ON Heels That Could Kill & MTV

 Last Saturday, I spent all day and night filming a commercial for MTV and Geico.

The set was super cool, it was styled to be a fancypants loft party. I'd like to live there please.

The shoes were insane and my feet were just about falling off by the time we hit 1 in the morning.

(Do you guys wear shoes like this in real life? Anyone? Bueller?)

And after seriously 15 (or 20) wardrobe changes, I wound up in a black and blue combo.

Because there truly is no gift as special as being in velvet shorts on national television.

I couldn't have my real camera with me so I snuck in some iphone shots just for you.

I always feel really weird in every day life. Like, always out of place and not "normal".

But, without fail, every time I step onto a set, I feel completely and totally right.

Like that's exactly where I'm supposed to be. It's kind of an awesome feeling.

I never mind the sitting around or the waiting or the makeup or the hair.. I love it all.

So obviously I need to land a tv show so I can feel this way all the time.

Ahem. Producers. Casting Directors. Do take note ;)

Keep your TV's on MTV and your eyes peeled and you may just spy me on your screen.

ProTip: look for the New Year's Eve themed commercial.

xo

On Then to Now

There is something so similar about these shots.

The purple clothing, the area of the body that's shown, only one ear visible.

I sort of see why some people said they didn't think I needed new pictures.

And yet.. there is something so unbelievably deliciously different about these shots.

Maybe it's only me who is able to see the difference in the human pictured?

I might be the only one who can see the stories, the lessons, the war that raged, the growth.

After all, I'm the person who lived the 3.3 years in between when they were taken.

In a weird way, the fact that the shots are so similar is what makes me able to see just how different they truly are. Does that make sense? It's like being photographed in the same location a few years later.

Once you put them side by side, you're kind of unable to not see the differences that have come to be.

I know a lot of women who aren't into getting any older. Lots of actresses, especially.

I've had people tell me to enjoy the next few years, that I can't have a career once I hit a certain age, since I played kids just oh so well and don't I know that's how it works? Um, okay.

Know what I think? I think this getting older thing is totally working for me.

And I think those people who think/thought that, can shove it :)

What about you? Have any similar pictures you can put side by side?

Are you into getting older or longing to go backward in time?

Do share please&thankyou. xo

On Five For Friday

Five Facts from this week:

1. I realized that whenever I see a certain pal, I end up at Sephora within a couple of days. Case in point? We hung on Saturday.. I found myself there on Tuesday :) She knows SO much about face creams, make up, eye brow pencil lighten upper filler-inners, etc.. so she talks about something I didn't know about and, bam. I'm the new proud owner of an under eye serum (and then, well, I was already out of eye cream, so..).

2. Was up for a Burger King ad. All the way down to the fancy part where they make sure your schedule is clear (hard to explain, but yes this is a real thing) and then I didn't book the job. I told my agents it was probably because they found out I'm vegan. Why yes, thank you for asking, the joke was a hit.

3. It took me 5 weeks to send 3 (scary-ish) emails. 5 weeks! Thus we come to the fact that it's more important to just do it: send the email, make the call, say the words, ask for help. Thinking about it only makes it seem scarier or harder or more impossible. This is coming from the queen of the hemming and hawing. When I just do something right away, it turns out to be not so scary after all - usually it is pretty easy, too.

4. When I got in my bed last night, I realized my pillows smelled like my favorite. Thus, making the rational decision that I won't be washing my sheets for the next few months while he's out of town. Bet that makes ya want to have a sleepover with me asap. Who could resist such cleanliness?

5. Spontaneous girls nights may be the key to actually getting together to have a girls night!

And here are Five Faves:

1. Favorite new restaurant in NYC.

2. Favorite new video (this had me laughing in hysterics, tears-rolling-down-my-face-style).

3. Favorite new TV show (don't judge me! and yes, I know I'm several years late to the party..).

4. Favorite truth.

5. Favorite new blog (jersey girls just get it).

All right, what have you got for me? What did you learn this week? 

What were some of your favorites that you came across? Share please! xo

On The Past 24 Hours

We had just met last night but when I saw him walk into Starbucks, I went up to say hello and re-introduce myself. He cut me off, hugging me and telling me of course he knew who I was.

"Kerry, you're really talented. I mean it, you are a really good actor."

I thanked him despite my instinctive desire to disagree and we went on to chat for awhile. This man whom I really admire, not only in the business, but also as a human, talking to me about my career and my life with so much passion and heart. My eyes were wide in awe the whole time.

"You've got to listen to yourself. You have to. What's the worst that could happen?" He smiled, and with a flourish, was off.
__

Wrapped up in his arms, we talked about the debate I had missed, what we think will happen with the election, the comments we've each been reading (me: facebook statuses, him: news articles). Something so ordinary - conversations like this are happening all over the country - and yet, I found myself overcome with a flood of Love for this simple moment, and so grateful to end the day with my favorite human. I leaned over to kiss him and we settled into sleep.
__

She pointed to me.

"Kerry, right? Kerry, you're really sassy and quirky and just so interesting to watch. I just want to listen to you."

And there, from a perfect stranger, my answer over the endless headshot dilemma became very clear. Quirky, of course. Sassy, of course. Isn't that what everyone says? A clarifying moment of my own truth, from someone I literally may never see again.
__

We had been on the phone for nearly an hour.

"I feel like I was doing so great and now it's like I took a bunch of steps backward."

I was with her at first, agreeing that I felt the same way, what had happened to our vigor and enthusiastic pursuit? Where had it gone? And then - no, wait, hold on - I cut her off:

"Oh my god, no! No. You haven't taken any steps backward. You're always moving forward. Even when it feels otherwise, even when you can't yet see why you're at where you're at. Like, I can't tell you when I'm going to be famous, but I know it will happen and so I know everything along the way is getting me there. Even when I feel like I'm so far from it. It's not up to us to understand how we are getting there - just that we're on our way. Maybe this is leading you directly back to it. Maybe it's sending you on another path. But either way, you're moving forward. I am, too."

One of my favorite mirrors, one of my favorite people, she always helps me see myself. And vice versa.
__

"So now.. is that Clifford the Big Red Dog that I'm seeing in your bag?"

His face turned into a giant grin, his body twisted around like a toddler, gleefully explaining why he had something Clifford related. And for the second time in less than a day, I was startled by how the Love I have for him just continues to grow.
__

The phone rang. My agents asking if I could come in right away. As I agreed, I said a silent prayer of thanks for all of the free time that I spent most of last week hating. Reminding myself that a delay is not a denial, and that there are so many wonderful things waiting for us if we stay open. That in the time of one day, I can find myself amused, adored, delighted, brave, honest, busy, lazy, Loved, present, and learning.

On Headshots

Here is one of the strangest parts about being an actor:

at several points in your career, you will spend hours and days staring at photos of.. yourself.

Hundreds of photos of you, lots of them of your face/shoulder area.

You just click through photo after photo, your face after your face.

And somewhere around photo 378, they all start to blur together.

The trick here is to not over-think it. Don't ask too many people. Go with your gut instincts.

Keep in mind that this picture needs to represent you, not necessarily be a hot facebook photo.

It's about knowing who you are, not who you think you are in your mind or who people say you are.

And of course, remember, like the photo above, they will all be edited :)

Because nobody is without some damn gorgeous flaws.

p.s. this blog post came about from a need to do literally anything else but go through pics.

and now i'm sad that i'm done writing it because it means i will go back to them.

unless i perhaps take myself a little breaksie. mayhaps until the morning. yes, the morning indeed :)

p.p.s. photo by Phillip Spaeth