We had just met last night but when I saw him walk into Starbucks, I went up to say hello and re-introduce myself. He cut me off, hugging me and telling me of course he knew who I was.
"Kerry, you're really talented. I mean it, you are a really good actor."
I thanked him despite my instinctive desire to disagree and we went on to chat for awhile. This man whom I really admire, not only in the business, but also as a human, talking to me about my career and my life with so much passion and heart. My eyes were wide in awe the whole time.
"You've got to listen to yourself. You have to. What's the worst that could happen?" He smiled, and with a flourish, was off.
Wrapped up in his arms, we talked about the debate I had missed, what we think will happen with the election, the comments we've each been reading (me: facebook statuses, him: news articles). Something so ordinary - conversations like this are happening all over the country - and yet, I found myself overcome with a flood of Love for this simple moment, and so grateful to end the day with my favorite human. I leaned over to kiss him and we settled into sleep.
She pointed to me.
"Kerry, right? Kerry, you're really sassy and quirky and just so interesting to watch. I just want to listen to you."
And there, from a perfect stranger, my answer over the endless headshot dilemma became very clear. Quirky, of course. Sassy, of course. Isn't that what everyone says? A clarifying moment of my own truth, from someone I literally may never see again.
We had been on the phone for nearly an hour.
"I feel like I was doing so great and now it's like I took a bunch of steps backward."
I was with her at first, agreeing that I felt the same way, what had happened to our vigor and enthusiastic pursuit? Where had it gone? And then - no, wait, hold on - I cut her off:
"Oh my god, no! No. You haven't taken any steps backward. You're always moving forward. Even when it feels otherwise, even when you can't yet see why you're at where you're at. Like, I can't tell you when I'm going to be famous, but I know it will happen and so I know everything along the way is getting me there. Even when I feel like I'm so far from it. It's not up to us to understand how we are getting there - just that we're on our way. Maybe this is leading you directly back to it. Maybe it's sending you on another path. But either way, you're moving forward. I am, too."
One of my favorite mirrors, one of my favorite people, she always helps me see myself. And vice versa.
"So now.. is that Clifford the Big Red Dog that I'm seeing in your bag?"
His face turned into a giant grin, his body twisted around like a toddler, gleefully explaining why he had something Clifford related. And for the second time in less than a day, I was startled by how the Love I have for him just continues to grow.
The phone rang. My agents asking if I could come in right away. As I agreed, I said a silent prayer of thanks for all of the free time that I spent most of last week hating. Reminding myself that a delay is not a denial, and that there are so many wonderful things waiting for us if we stay open. That in the time of one day, I can find myself amused, adored, delighted, brave, honest, busy, lazy, Loved, present, and learning.