On Truer Words Were Never Spoken

This quote came into my world a week or two ago via le paintyhands.

(do you know paintyhands? she reminds me of me when i'm brave, & inspires me when i am not so brave.)

And I read it. And my brain went squish, thump, pound, bang, boom. And my heart went burst.

Because there it was. Right there in front of me. The very thing I didn't know I had been looking for!

See, I have this sneaky little belief system. It tells me I have to pick between career and relationship.

My art and my Love. It tells me that I can't have both.

This is trouble for so many reasons. See, I'm not me without my art, without performing, creating.

But, if I had to pick between that and Love and being Loved and Loving.. well, no contest.

I think Loving someone means choosing them every single day, even when you're annoyed or frustrated or think they will literally never learn or all those other fun things. You make a choice to choose them. But I think one must choose herself every day, too. We all have committed relationships with ourselves, you know.

So in short, if I pick me every day then that means picking me as who I truly am: an artist, a performer. So then I am picking my career every day. And then my belief system pops up and says "okie doke, you can only have one! guess you picked career! see ya love, see ya relationship, see ya etc."

and I'm all "no! wait! i'll pick the other." So I pick relationship and bid art adieu and then I'm not fully myself. And if I'm not honoring myself I can't pick me and well, needless to say, no one else will either. Because when someone Loves you, darn it if they don't Love you for who you truly are.

If you are still reading this and made it through that explanation, I applaud you.

But then, I read this quote, these words.

BOTH MUSE AND MAKER.

Both! Side by side with another artist. Both of you creating while inspiring each other.

And thus the mega mind blowing occurred because I have never thought of this before.

All these endless years of that pesky belief system kicking in, never once did I realize I can have both.

I don't have to downplay my artistry to balance out being with another artist

(and lord help me, we all know i'm only ever with other artists. every darn kind, i've tried)

just like they don't have to downplay theirs. And I don't have to feel weird about being a muse.

Actually, I think it's cool. Plus, I've had many a muse myself. Hello, I write songs for goodness sake!

So in short, my eyes stumbling upon this little quote basically changed my life.

And you know what is so delicious about belief systems? The most wonderful part?

Once you identify one of them, once you call it out, you get to start changing it.

And I super can't wait for the day where I get to laugh over how I used to think I had to pick.

Both muse and maker! BOTH muse AND maker. Oh, this is gonna be good, friends.

On Lightbulb Moments

Here is a most interesting little truth that I stumbled onto this morning:

If YOU tell me I can't do something, that it is impossible, that it will never happen, that I'm being 'unrealistic' ... I will absofuckinglutely do it. I will accomplish it, I will prove you wrong. 

And I will be enraged that you would ever have the nerve to doubt me.

It's that "I'll show them" mentality. Motivating yet dangerous.

It I tell me I can't do something, that it is impossible, that it will never happen, that I'm being 'unrealistic' ... I will believe it. I will slow down. I will give up, I will prove myself right. 

And I will be mopey, wondering why I can't get what I want.

It's that "being afraid of getting what you want" mentality. Just plain ol' dangerous.

Here's an even more interesting little truth: 

I am the only person in my life who says that 'I can't'. The only person.
Sure, there are people who say things like 'realistically' and 'that's being a grown up' but that just makes me giggle a bunch and see the limitations they have put on themselves.
But otherwise, there ain't no one in kerry-land who tells me I can't do/be certain things.

So, I guess it's either time to find a bunch of people to tell me I can't do what I want,

or.. perhaps it's time to just start telling myself I can.

What about you? How do you hold yourself back?

Are you motivated by what other people think about you?

Do you tune it all out? Let me know below.