on NO MORE TO TODAY

trouble since day one // i KNOW you like that matching sweatsuit so i won't even ask

I've just realized that I've been clicking around in circles for a good hour now. Various tabs are open on my screen, many with work to do. But me? I've been clicking. Apartments in LA to the NYC shelter kill-list to instagram accounts of friends to instagram accounts of people I don't know to blogs to facebook to whatever links are on facebook and back around again.

When we were little, and exhausted, crying tired tears for no reason other than the fact that kids do that, or whining about wanting to play one more game, or watch one more episode, or stay up just a little later, my mom would say, "there is no more to today".

My work is staring at me. My perfectionism has got a death stare going, as well. The pieces of me that want to do better, work harder, respond faster, be everything at once, are all loud and present and accounted for. Hello, old friends, I hear you. I see you. But I know one thing to be true: when I'm clicking around like this, getting nothing done, and spending precious time, while harping to myself on what I "should" be doing.. well, I know there is no more to today. I know I need to honor my needs, and go to sleep. I know I need to stop texting and put my phone away. I know I need to turn the TV off and shut the laptop. I know I need to just settle, and be, and rest. So to bed, it is.

There is no more to today, friends.

on OH HEY INTERNET

Internet. Blog. Blog friends. Actual friends.
Hello.

It has been a minute, no? I haven't posted on this here little blog in what feels like forever, which is serious proof that my life is in crazy mode. So obvs we need a catch up, right? Right. Here's what I've been up to in the past two weeks. First, some photos:

My sweet babies.

Layla is either causing trouble or being unbelievably sweet and cuddly. Nothing in between.

I met Heather! Love this girl. Check out her blog here.

Broadway Barks! The little Chi above, Dotty, is avail through Bidawee. Another pup fancied her to be his tail rest.

Best pizza I've ever had in NYC so far. The company sure didn't hurt either ;)

My little cousin moved to NYC! Now we can have impromptu lunch dates!

This is my favorite place ever.

 So now that you've been caught up in photos, here's what else I've been up to:

Auditions. Just streams of them. Commercials, voiceovers, musicals, magazines.. meetings and setting up meetings and helping others set up meetings. At my agency, at studios, in recording booths. Uptown, downtown, midtown. Even via my iphone recording app and good ol' fashioned email. I feel lucky and grateful and excited and terrified.

Coaching. That's right, I'm officially coaching. After getting trained as a life coach a couple of years ago, and then laughing about that, plus years of intense work on this here life/human, plus x amount of years in the industry plus an obsession with the business side of the business and the realization that all I do is coach every one anyway, especially with biz stuff, and a few brave moves later... annnnd coaching. Life and business coaching for actors/artists and people who want to be actors/artists. I'm kind of obsessed. There will be more on this later. (Also, want to coach with me? Great, send me an email. Not an actor but want to coach anyway? Cool, I got you, email me.)

Life. More like driving back and forth between NJ and NYC. A lot. Summer means a lot of time in NJ and I thought this summer would be like summers past where I have nothing going on in acting land or social life land and could kick it on my couch with my babies and my family and friends and go to the beach. Incorrect! Ha! said the Universe. Ha! said God. You think you run the show? Nah, hop in your car, we've got plans for you. And all I can do is surrender to it and be excited.

Doggies. Mine (eeeeee I love them so much they are my babies hkjsnfkansfal). Other people's whom I watch. Shelter pups who I am working to save on the daily. Like every night until 2 or 3 am with the Urgent group. If you are looking to help save some dogs, please join Urgent (or a group like that near you) and post the dogs on your page. They have about 12 hours between being listed and being killed. The more who post them, the more get saved. More on this soon, too.

Lessons. As in, the ones that are repeatedly given to me to learn and learn and learn until I get it straight and then more lessons. Cause this is how we grow.

Work. I counted yesterday and I now have 6 jobs. 6! What am I, nuts? All freelance, and all remotely, and all things that I seriously love. Which is good because, seriously, 6?

And that is that! You are caught up, internet style. Happy Tuesday, beautiful people.

on MR. & MRS. MONACO TURN TWO

This past week marked the second year of marriage for my sister and brother-in-law. That's a long time, if you ask me. Because when you're married to someone, you're married to them every single day, all day, nonstop. Think about it (non-married people.. you married people can laugh either in understanding or mockery). Sometimes I just say the "M" word and get really uncomfortable. Recently, my favorite male person said it once or twice himself (I did not even know he knew the word), and understandably we didn't speak for a few days after that. I'm pretty sure I replied with  "you've thought about what?". So you can imagine my impressed-ness over anyone being married at all, let alone multiple years.

The second year of marriage calls for a cotton gift. I told my sister that I would give them a blogtton gift instead. It's true, I am incredibly generous. No, I will get them a gift, but first I must scour etsy and the like. In the meantime: blogtton! Both of them are very weird, which seems right when getting married. Find someone as weird as you, who puts up with you even when you are whiny (Amy) or making fun of the other person's little sister (Matt), who will go to Target with you, and other places. But mostly, just someone weird who likes you a whole lot. They have that down.

Love you both very much. And sometimes your cats. Happy Anniversary!
Love, the sister, Henry Elliot, and Layla June. (they helped write this. woof.)

on MY LITTLE FAMILY OF WEIRDOS

Lately, around here, my little weirdo babies are getting even stranger. Henry's been rocking a pumpkin tee in the middle of summer. Layla's taken to climbing onto my stomach and barking and howling all of her feelings out (before finally, finally, settling down to snooze on her momma). Henry even had a business meeting with monkey.. and then attacked him. We're trying to work on proper business meeting etiquette and discussing our feelings instead of eating the other person (er, monkey) in the meeting.

But... they've started to fall asleep closer and closer to each other. And my god are they cute. Seriously, have you seen cuter dogs? No? That is correct.

ON an apology owed & a weekend wonder

^^my team of expert healers/wisdom guides^^

oh the wonders of what a weekend can do for you.

if you all could have seen me friday afternoon, you'd have thought the world exploded on me. the phrase "a hot mess" comes to mind. but then, clarity, you gorgeous visitor. fresh air, and puppies, you lovely things, you. a picnic full of people i love, excellence of great proportions.

on friday, among many other disasters, i was very mean to my most favorite person in the whole world. the most mean of all means, taking things out on him, unfair, name calling. the worst of it. i don't know about you, but sometimes when everything is going (very) wrong all at once, i sometimes take it out on the people i love the most. this is backwards logic, because the truth is, i might as well be yelling at myself. i've been working on this for a long time now, and i always think i've got it beat, so it feels even worse the times i've slipped up. this severe disappointment in myself on top of the shame, guilt, and feeling awful. my heart has been sitting in his chest for so many years now, that hurting him feels like hurting me. whatever the case, it does not feel good.

my tongue is sharp. my temper is fiery. my passion is deep. these are dangerous things to have all together in one tiny girl. and worse yet, i know where to cut him. and cut, i did. i feel the pits. the worst. and while i have massive plans of how to make it up to him, in the meantime, i learn my lessons like a child sticking their hand on the stove, dealing with the burns afterward.

when my phone lit up later that night, him checking in on me, i nearly burst from intense joy. i don't understand how i am so lucky to have this person around me, but i think he is the greatest human there ever was, and i count him several times when i count my blessings. god broke the mold with him.

cross your fingers i'm brave enough to deliver the apology, and cross them twice that he forgives me.

how do you handle things when everything is going awry? how do you say you're sorry? do share. xo

ON My Momma

My Momma is loud. She is, she's loud. It's a trait in our family that all the women seem to catch. She is brave and opinionated and smart. She is hard on me and easy on me. She is the best music that you catch on the radio at just the perfect time and the sound of a piano filling up the room. She cries a lot and over does it and frustrates herself but lets it go in seconds. She comes to rescue me if I need it and brings me bottled water and that alone is a miraculous blessing. She laughs at me at 1 in the morning when I'm so over-exhausted that I'm no longer making sense but talking about things I'm so certain of, and tells me I'm crazy but in a way where I know she believes in me. She knows everything but lets me teach her things anyway. She watches my babies for me when I can't and loves them like they are hers, because I am hers so it's the same thing.

My Momma is the best. Happy Mother's Day!

ON When Aunt Amy Came To Visit (a guest post by Lady)

Hola Internets, Ladybug here.

Mama is finally letting me do a guest blog. 

Henry has done a lot & I saw another pup do one, too. So my turn!

I shall tell you of when Auntie Amy came to visit me last weekend. 

Oh & mom, too. But mostly me.

This is me & Aunt Amy & Mama & me. Also, me.

I am giving you a strong profile angle in this shot.

As a future professional model, I made this choice

and was definitely not distracted by something shiny or a squirrel.

They went to get Mexican food and no one invited me.

I'm a freaking Chihuahua, for peta's sake.

No one invited me here either. Auntie Amy said they needed a delicious treat.

And I was all, "Hello, I am right here. Delicious Treat is my company."

Mommy says chocolate is bad for doggies. I say stop spreading slanderous lies.

(jklol it is bad for doggies)

Then they went to see my cousin, Dana. She is their cousin, too.

'twas her birthday celebration. Question: when is mine? Do I get a party?

Auntie Amy is very nice and I approved her visit.

She is comfortable to sleep on and she let me kiss her nose a lot.

I do enjoy that very much. She let me sneeze on her, too.

I say you can always judge a person by their willingness to be sneezed on.

So okay Auntie Amy, you can come back soon. But don't bring the Cats.

I heard about them. I heard they are cats and not dogs. Unacceptable.

Yours in Pawsomeness,

Ladybugz

ON This Afternoon

Hi internet :) Pardon the blogging delay whilst my sister is in town. (Isn't whilst such a good word?! One of my favs.) When I come back, I promise to regale you of tales of how we met Lauren Graham last night. LAUREN GRAHAM. Oh I know. I know.

See ya on the flip side, xo.

ON Babies & Target & Shoes, Oh My

Last Saturday, I had the darn good fortune of my best friend, and my cousin, both telling me at the same time that they would be going to Target that day. With a little magick, I somehow got to be in the wondrous land of Target with both of these beautiful women AND two of my cousin's kids, my sweet little godbabies.

And we went shoe shopping. Needless to say, it was very effective birth control.

Jokes aside, I love all of these people so much and, well, I just love Target so much. It's pretty rare that I get to go to Target, fyi, I'm not totally crazy and definitely wouldn't go every weekend if I lived in suburbia (yes I would). It's also important to note that I downright started salivating over those tiny baby shoes. Also, can we discuss how adorable these children are? That little girl is a firecracker, a total crack up, and five going on sixteen. Her little brother is quiet, focused, and (almost) four going on seventy. Also, you may note that I'm actually in a picture on my blog for once! This is my true suburban look: random, old clothes, hair up in a bun, no makeup.. ah, perfection. You're welcome, internet.