Wednesday, August 8, 2012

On Being There Now

I always want to be there now. I want to be past the trials and the obstacles. I want to be past the part where I am wishing and hoping and trying and guessing. I want to be past the steps and already at the top of the mountain.

Just how I am, you know? For example:

I want the Emmy, the Oscar, the Tony and the Golden Globe. Well, no. What I really want is the part, the show, the recurring, the series. Well, no. What I really want is to be acting steadily. Well, no. What I really want is to always be creating, to make art, to entertain others, to do what brings me joy. Those are things I already do so.. it looks like I'm already there.

But I ALSO want to be madly, completely in Love and be married and have babies and make pancakes on Sunday's and.. Wait - no. What I really want is a relationship, someone who will adventure with me and listen to me talk about anything. Wait - no. What I really want is to Love and to have someone who Loves me. Wait - no. What I really want is to know what extraordinary Love feels like, to have an abundance of Love in my life, knowledge that I am not alone and the ability to Love those people back. I already have that so.. it looks like I'm already there.

But, you know, I REALLY want to travel all over and see as many places as possible and get to experience lots of incredible opportunities. Well, kind of.. but maybe it's more like I want to never stay in one place for too long and never feel like my life is stagnant. Yes, getting closer.. but perhaps maybe what I really mean is I want to live a life full of adventure and frequently have new experiences and always push myself just a little further. Come to think of, I already am doing that so.. it looks like I'm already there.

I find that every time I reach the top of another mountain - in the form of relationships, personal growth, or any one of the other many lessons that often come to us in the form of struggle - I've usually been climbing for so long that I don't even realize I've reached the top. It takes me a little while to catch on and notice the spectacular view that's right smack dab in front of me, because I've been too distracted by the next mountain, looming ahead. I forget to just stand still, take it in and rejoice in the grace that is every single lesson, the beauty of knowing every thing happens FOR us, and that nothing happens "to" us. And interestingly enough, each time I make the choice to take in that joy, the next trek upwards doesn't seem quite as tough.

When you find yourself thinking about everything you truly want, take a second and look around. You may just find that you're already there. Enjoy the view :)

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