truthFULL: musical theatre

i picked up the phone on the third ring and we chatted briefly, it had been awhile:

"what's new, honey?"

"well, actually, things are starting to pick up."

"oh! tell me, tell me."

"i think i might get to watch this dog in this gorgeous apartment every day."

... and then i realized she probably thought i was going to say something about acting.

it's strange that despite my incredible love for voice over, with almost daily auditions and one of the best agencies in the business, i still don't consider myself to be pursuing acting. honestly, i'm not sure i ever will if theatre isn't involved; the word 'acting' was synonymous to 'theatre' for so very long. musical theatre, to be correct. sometimes i laugh at the thought of a future me with a recurring role on a tv show, sitting on set, talking on the phone and explaining that 'i'm not really acting anymore'.

for now, i've learned to say that i'm not currently pursuing musical theatre at this moment, that i've found things i love more right now. 'at this moment' and 'right now' being key phrases because i truly don't know if i'll ever return to it. all i know is right this second.

i will, however, tell you that when i hear news of another friend achieving the broadway dream, getting cast in a show, or when i see friends' facebook photos of life on tour or in glamorous places, or even just hearing the opening credits of an episode of 'smash' with the orchestra warming up, it's like hearing someone say the name of your ex. that sort of pulling feeling, the tugging on your heart. not because you're not over him but because you loved him and he was such a large part of your life for so long. that feeling. but then again, for me, musical theatre might be that ex who you run into a few times, who still hangs with some of your friends. the one you eventually get back together with, not because he is the love of your life but because he is comfortable, because you know him so well. the relationship where maybe you're not totally who you truly are but it's nice to have someone to go to weddings with. something easy. and it that's the case - well, i don't want it.

we shall see.