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Showing posts with label trust in it. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trust in it. Show all posts

Monday, July 15, 2013

on THAT WALK HOME WHERE IT ALL MADE SENSE


A couple weekends ago (edit: uh, like, a month now? maybe?), I met up with a friend for an early dinner. I hadn't seen him in a couple of years, but we'd kept up through texts, and facebook, as you do. We've probably hung out less than ten times in the years we've known each other, but all of them have significantly affected me. On this day, our chat shook me out of a state I had unknowingly fallen into.

We were talking about how he'd ended up in his (first) dream career as a professional athlete, by somewhat stumbling into a field that most people train for their entire lives. And then how he'd gotten into the next (dream) career, this one taking a good amount of schooling and a move across the country, putting him on the very subway car that we met on. I listened to him talk so casually about these amazing things he's achieved, and his can-do attitude, before bursting out with laughter, asking how was it that we'd ever dated, since we were clearly so different. His classic smile appeared on his face, and without missing a beat, he reminded me that I'm just like him. That the very traits I admire within him, are also within me. That we're both 'those kind of people' who push limits and do things that normal people don't always take the risk of doing.

Oh. Right. I had forgotten.

We wrapped up dinner and as I started toward home, I decided to walk through Central Park. I didn't really know this side of the park and started to get nervous that I'd end up lost or turned around. But something louder told me to just keep going, putting one foot in front of the other. So I did. A cycle began; I'd be moving forward for awhile, then I'd start to get nervous, remind myself that I was safe and it was fine and to just keep going, and on and on.

I don't know about you, but this is how I move toward what I want in life. I'm on the path to it, but then I get scared, nervous, worried that I can't trust myself, thinking I should look to others, everything starts to blur.. and then, I remember. I am on the right path, exactly where I should be, heading toward the place I want to be. I am safe, I am loved, I am taken care of and I can listen to myself for guidance. The more I let my feet (actions) lead me, the less my fear (mind) can take over.

In return, I got these beautiful gifts from the world. Stunning views with light catching just so on the buildings, as the sun slowly made it's way to bed. A fountain that I'd never seen, but always wanted to. Gorgeous ceiling tiles and architecture to take in. And when I finally made it across and out of the park, the most beautiful sunset was waiting for me.

You are safe, you are loved, you are on your path, you are where you're meant to be. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Monday, May 20, 2013

ON Birthdays & Happiness

The past several birthdays have been kind of strange.

Four years ago, I celebrated my birthday in Dallas, sharing it with two other people after having it all to myself for my whole life.

Three years ago, was celebrated with a tea party in Denver, and cards for St. Judes kids.

Two years ago, my twin and I reunited for a party in New York City on a rooftop bar with the strangest mix of industry, friends, and strangers from a second party that had been accidentally planned for the same time.

Last year, I celebrated by doing my first birthday fundraiser, and meeting the disabled dog that inspired my collection, and missing my birthday dinner due to illness.

This year, I just feel content. I don't know how else to explain it. When twin and I started talking about what we wanted to do, I didn't have any feelings one way or the other. A party would be fun, staying home would be fun, too. Strangely enough, I think this is one of my favorite birthdays yet despite being super low key. I've had a birthday breakfast with my momma and my aunt, my best friend & I hit the outlets to shop, my sister took me to meet Lauren Graham, had Birthday dinner with my dad, my puppies decided to gift me with their decision to get along (!!), I have plans with several of my most favorite people throughout today, and you beautiful strangers (and friends and family!) gave me the best gift by generously donating to my fundraiser for the dog rescues. I feel so happy and blessed.

This style of celebrating comes with a lesson I plan to take with me into my new year of life: when I just roll with whatever, I tend to be really joyful and much more appreciate of whatever comes to be. When I try to control and plan (whether that be a party, or my entire life), I tend to be disappointed, frustrated, and anxious. Sure, schedules have to be made and planning in advance needs to happen sometime, but mostly, for me anyway, going with the flow gets me to where I want to be much faster, with a smile on my face. Perhaps that's the best gift of all this year. Being quiet and still enough to hear a great lesson to inspire my upcoming year. Here's to birthdays and happiness :)

p.s. yes, I am wearing my tiara today. Can't suggest it enough.

Tell me your favorite birthday memory or way to celebrate by leaving a comment below!!