on AN UNEXPECTED GIFT

I was exhausted. I'm not sure where I was coming from or going to, but my body led me up the stairs and directly to the fountains. My fountains, I call them.

"What are you doing?", she'll ask, through the phone. "Sitting at my fountains."
"Can you hear where I am?", he held the phone out for a moment, "Passing your fountains."
And once, when he was feeling snarky and unkind, his eyes rolled, "they aren't your fountains". The kind of insult that can only be given by someone who knows you so well.

As I felt myself walking toward them, seeking out my break from the day, a moment to refuel, I realized they were empty of people. There, in the dead of summer, with tourist season so high, photographs being taken nonstop at this very spot, were my fountains, empty. Waiting for me. A tiny little gift from the Universe, just for me. I took such delight in this, a smile spreading across my face, a bounce added to my walk. I circled around, pausing to press my hands onto it, closing my eyes, taking it in. This was a moment of magick.

If you want to know the truth, it's the smell. There's something about the mix of chlorine and fresh air and water that gives me every great childhood vacation memory all packed into one, with the extra bonus of countless hotel memories on top. Hotels where there was a water fixture in the center of the lobby, a pool that had a waterfall to hide behind, a water park, the lazy river, the trickling water next to the main entrance. That smell. The sound comes in a close second. All five senses are alive with water. You can't help but smell, hear, feel, see, and lord help us, taste it, when the wind blows it right into your face. When our senses are active, we become more present.

And there, in that moment of exhaustion, the fountain brought me back to being present. It knew what I needed right then. I told you, it is most definitely my fountain.

on THAT WALK HOME WHERE IT ALL MADE SENSE

A couple weekends ago (edit: uh, like, a month now? maybe?), I met up with a friend for an early dinner. I hadn't seen him in a couple of years, but we'd kept up through texts, and facebook, as you do. We've probably hung out less than ten times in the years we've known each other, but all of them have significantly affected me. On this day, our chat shook me out of a state I had unknowingly fallen into.

We were talking about how he'd ended up in his (first) dream career as a professional athlete, by somewhat stumbling into a field that most people train for their entire lives. And then how he'd gotten into the next (dream) career, this one taking a good amount of schooling and a move across the country, putting him on the very subway car that we met on. I listened to him talk so casually about these amazing things he's achieved, and his can-do attitude, before bursting out with laughter, asking how was it that we'd ever dated, since we were clearly so different. His classic smile appeared on his face, and without missing a beat, he reminded me that I'm just like him. That the very traits I admire within him, are also within me. That we're both 'those kind of people' who push limits and do things that normal people don't always take the risk of doing.

Oh. Right. I had forgotten.

We wrapped up dinner and as I started toward home, I decided to walk through Central Park. I didn't really know this side of the park and started to get nervous that I'd end up lost or turned around. But something louder told me to just keep going, putting one foot in front of the other. So I did. A cycle began; I'd be moving forward for awhile, then I'd start to get nervous, remind myself that I was safe and it was fine and to just keep going, and on and on.

I don't know about you, but this is how I move toward what I want in life. I'm on the path to it, but then I get scared, nervous, worried that I can't trust myself, thinking I should look to others, everything starts to blur.. and then, I remember. I am on the right path, exactly where I should be, heading toward the place I want to be. I am safe, I am loved, I am taken care of and I can listen to myself for guidance. The more I let my feet (actions) lead me, the less my fear (mind) can take over.

In return, I got these beautiful gifts from the world. Stunning views with light catching just so on the buildings, as the sun slowly made it's way to bed. A fountain that I'd never seen, but always wanted to. Gorgeous ceiling tiles and architecture to take in. And when I finally made it across and out of the park, the most beautiful sunset was waiting for me.

You are safe, you are loved, you are on your path, you are where you're meant to be. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

on SERENITY

"Boredom is the feeling that everything is a waste of time; 

serenity, that nothing is." - Thomas Szasz

sometimes, i think the best thing in the world is being caught unprepared for free time.

see, if i know i have free time between appointments, etc, then i bring

a book, a notebook, pens, a list of to-do/calls, maybe a project, plan where i'll go during that time, etc.

but when you're caught by surprise with some free time, waiting for friends in new york city,

sometimes your feet take you down a pretty street, to a welcoming bench, where you sit and watch.

and breathe. and think. and listen. and be. and just enjoy that time.

enjoy your time today, friends. xo

on DON'T HATE THE SEA FROM THE SHORE

We met down at the Seaport. Saturdays are meant for adventures, after all. Nicole is my best adventuring partner, and a best friend among the very best of bests (that's a lot of bests in one sentence, but take my word on it that they're all necessary here). We have a thing, she and I, where the one challenges the other "honest, no bullshit, no covering, no excuses - the honest answer" and there it is.

We settled into Beekman for drinks, and somehow all the small children found us (note: why are there so many children at this outdoor bar? anyone?) and we eventually made our way out to dinner. Mostly everything is closed at the Seaport, after Sandy. It's all being rebuilt. Their current slogan is See/Change - a clever play on Seaport - and I can't help but think how appropriate this is for this gal and I. Our fourteen year old high school selves could surely never guess we'd be where we are now, and have been all the places we've been, and the changes, oh the changes.

But this is why we have girlfriends like Nic, right? To help steer our ships when we can't manage them alone, or when it's everythingeverything at once, or when it's nothing at all. Or when there is a Saturday to spend in the sunshine, with a drink in your hand, and laughter bursting out.

*title comes from this here little tune // thank you, a.

on SATURDAY IN THE CITY

On Saturday, I met up with Twin. We popped into Doughnut Plant for their deliciousness, then headed to Union Square for a great big adoption event.. and realized we were a day early. But there were still kittens to visit and squeal over. Twin loves kittens the way I love dogs.

We wandered around Chelsea and stumbled onto a street fair full of handmade goodies, baby clothing, and snacks. We drank water by the gallon, as it was the hottest of hots in our little city.

Later, I met up with a pal whom I've not seen in two years, and his incredibly handsome furchild. Murphy is the most well behaved dog I've ever met, and that's saying a lot. The friend, a former fling, regaled me with his wisdom, advice, and adventures. This little visit is about to get it's own post so hold tight.

Then I snaked my way across the park, and had a lovely epiphany on the walk home, before settling into a seat outside of Lincoln Center with a good book and an iced tea. It was the very most New Yorkish day.