Monday, August 5, 2013

on MINE MINE MINE MINE (or; hello summer)

When I woke up, groggy, way past when I wanted to be up, she suggested that I go to the beach. I snapped at her, "I have to work, I'm so behind, there's a million things to do, so many emails to send, I can't just go to the beach."

Then it dawned on me: yes I can. Before I could change my mind, a swimsuit was pulled on, sunscreen slathered, hair up in a bun, sunglasses found, keys in my hand, and off.

The day before had been insane. An early trip to the city for an audition, an unexpected message from a friend on her way to save a dog on death row at the city shelter, facebook to text and back to facebook, strangers helping me help her. Barging into his apartment to borrow his computer when my phone gave out, kissing his face before driving back to NJ, with the knowledge that the pup was safe. She had saved him. Upon arrival home, an unknown car parked in my driveway caused quite a scare, until it was discovered it was just my aunt and some of my favorite kids in the world. Distractions, conversations, teaching runway walking techniques on the backyard deck, these things are important. Food was finally shoveled into my mouth, two sweet baby pups at my feet, ready for crumbs. And then.. I saw it. An email. An audition. In 73 minutes, back in the city, and I was at least an hour away. Back into my car and off I went, my second trip into the city (where I freaking technically live, mind you) on the same time, after such an emotional morning and afternoon, and I.. well, I was spent.

I feel like I am missing my summer. Do you know that feeling? Like you're missing your own life, in favor of promises and errands and emails and lists. This is not how I live. This is not what I believe living to be. And if living like this means missing my summer, then to hell with it. I was in NJ for the very purpose of getting to the beach, of being with my babies, of languishing on the couch, and riding my bike. But I hadn't been to the shore, and my bike sat in the garage, and my pups slammed their paws on my laptop as I shooed them away for just-five-more-minutes-mommy-loves-you.

So I went to the beach. And I said hello to the ocean, and I finally saw the beach house after Sandy made her way through it last fall, and I made peace with the fact that my uncle would not be coming around the corner any second as he headed into the garage, telling me there were cold drinks in the fridge. Even if he was still alive, the garage was taped up, waiting for construction. I had to go see things as they are, all with the power of remembering that our life is what we choose it to be. I really like my life right now. I love working so hard, I love the people in it, I love my apartment, and I feel overwhelmingly blessed. But if I can't go to the beach, I don't want it. That might just be my new life philosophy.

Hello Summer, I've missed you. Let's go to the beach.


  1. I feel like one of the most vivid parts of this post was your description of your uncle coming around the corner and mentioning cold drinks. I feel like that sentence took me back to childhood summers and the smell of chlorine and faded old swimsuits. I'm glad you had an adventure! I've had so many lately (not planned) and it has been very good for my soul.

  2. and when you got home you said, I'm so sorry I snapped at you... You were right; I needed to go to the beach. just saying.....

  3. And when you got home, you said, "Sorry I snapped at you, you were right. I needed to go to the beach!" just saying....

  4. I know the feeling, my dear. Summer is slipping right through my fingers. I'm living vicariously through you, since it isn't even warm enough for the beach (and there IS no beach) here.

    xox Sammi