Valentine's Day & The Best Love

obsessed with the brilliant max wanger and his photography skills

I always have these mixed feelings about Valentine's Day. Part of me thinks it's really freaking stupid. I have never seen the point and believe we should love fully, loudly, wholeheartedly each day. But the other part of me sees all the people walking around the city hand in hand, the gaggle of men carrying bouquets of flowers alongside their briefcase with exhaustion all over their face and yet they remembered to stop and grab flowers. The high school students carrying bags with stuffed animals spilling out, chocolates tucked under their arms, and little ones with heart stickers on their faces, book-bags  sweaters, worn proudly to show the world they are loved. And that makes me think it's a pretty okay day after all.

Because at the root of today is love. Love. That delicious, necessary, lesson-filled love. Sneaky devil that one. We deserve love. Let's start there. You and I and everyone we know and everyone we don't know deserve massive amounts of love from the world, from community, and most importantly, within. And how do we do that? I only know how to answer that for myself.

Loving myself looks a whole lot like getting up and brushing my teeth when I'm dead tired and am already face first into the pillow.

Loving myself looks like figuring out what boundaries I need and creating them.

Loving myself looks like 45 minutes of intense spin class as many times a week as my wallet and body can handle.

Loving myself looks like stretching, arms over head, feet moving from flex to point and back again.

Loving myself looks like finishing the emails even when I don't want to, and knowing the difference of when I don't have to.

Loving myself looks like taking a night off to stay in.

Loving myself looks like actively silencing the critical and negative thoughts in my mind and encouraging the positive ones to get louder.

Loving myself looks like two furry nuggets running circles on my bed, paws pressing onto my face, and putting my notebooks/phone/laptop aside to play for a bit.

Loving myself looks like eating. Actual meals. More than once a day.

Loving myself looks like the delicate and difficult practices of forgiving myself and not judging myself.

Loving myself looks like two meditations a day, every day, nonnegotiable.

Loving myself looks like knowing the difference of when to pick up the phone and when to not pick up the phone.

Loving myself looks a whole lot like picking me, standing by me, and not abandoning myself for the people or opportunities that come along and tempt me to leave myself behind, waiting.

Loving myself looks like a smile as wide and as real as I've got, a greeting in the bathroom mirror, knowing my beauty does not live in my make-up bag.

Loving myself looks like taking risks, living out of my comfort zone and trying the scary things.

Loving myself looks like throwing out what I don't need anymore, donating what I can, cleaning the bathroom when I'd rather do anything else in the world. 

Loving myself looks like a gentle reminder that it is definitely not my turn to buy the paper towels, the hand soap, the swiffers.

Loving myself looks like allowing others to help, accepting the hand extended toward me, seeking it out when needed.

Loving myself looks like a new haircut on a whim, changing the color just because I feel like it.

Loving myself looks like listening to my gut.

Loving myself looks a whole lot like my favorite places and the faces of my favorite people directly in front of me.

Loving myself looks like a phone on silent, a laptop shut.

Loving myself looks like opening a book and reading the words, turning actual pages, getting drawn in, while the television remains off.

Loving myself looks like marathons of pretty little liars because I can and I want to.

Loving myself looks like a brisk walk in fresh air to reboot my mind.

Loving myself looks like a pedicure and my heels far away, in my closet, and slippers as a replacement.

Loving myself looks like a morning hike in the warm sunshine, going as slowly as I'd like.

Loving myself looks like paying down credit card debt but trusting when it's necessary to spend on things.

Loving myself looks a whole lot like the word "no". Firmly.

Loving myself looks like admitting when I'm wrong and holding my ground when I'm certain.

Loving myself looks like the ability to hear your side, your story, your words, your fears, and not take them home with me.

Loving myself looks like a paintbrush in my hand, paint smeared on my skin, a canvas coming to life.

Loving myself looks like staying when I want to run.

Loving myself looks like honesty.

Come to think of it, what always drives me nuts is when incredible people are bemoaning how they don't have anyone to spend Valentine's Day with. They DO. It's themselves. They have the best date in the world and they are missing out. We can only love others as much as we love ourselves. Love can only spill out of us after the well is filled up within. And ignoring the beautiful, wonderful, amazing date you have waiting for you will not make any others to get here any sooner.

So tell me, what does love look like to you?

ON flowers, flowers i say!

valentine's day came with cupcakes from my favorite vegan bakery, dinner for him & tea for me.

(because one of us got stuck in traffic for two hours, and the other one gave up and ate dinner

for fear of immediate death from hunger. one of us is perhaps a touch dramatic.)

and there were flowers. flowers were brought. flowers were given.

and if you know me at all, you know flowers are my favorite.

and of course, a little pup, squished right in between, ready to pile on the love.

this valentine's day was the bee's knees. the bee's knees indeed.

p.s. did i mention there were flowers?

ON my one true Love

my mom just sent this picture to me.

this is my baby boy, my truest of true Loves, 

my Henry Elliot Raleigh Alexander.

we don't care to be separated but he is doing very good with me being away.

ooh i love him!! don't you just want to snuggle his tiny butt? just me??

oh, Henry bear boy, your momma loves you so.

i hope grammy gave you yummy treats all day long.

you are my very favorite and best valentine in the whole wide world.

ON a little more Love

true love, in 3 of my favorite forms. xoxo

ON old curses & big Love

my photo/San Francisco, CA/2010

i'm going to just put this out there: i used to have a valentine's day curse.

i know what you're thinking: she's exaggerating. i'm here to assure you that i'm not.

i saw a post the other day where there was a contest to see who had the worst v-day story.

i read each one and guffawed (sidenote: i can't believe i managed to work guffawed into a blog post!)

thinking that they had nothing on me. nothing! okay except one. sorry about that wedding, girl.

i won't share any of the stories here because that would be such a downer and also because i don't actually care anymore.

but i will tell you about the first year i had a great valentine's day.

my junior year of college, i had a meeting with an agent, one of the kindest boys at school brought me (and my girlfriends) each a rose, someone gave me some sort of candy, i don't know. it wasn't getting things that mattered, it wasn't the successful meeting, it was just something that clicked and said 'hey, you don't actually have a valentine's day curse, you just thought you did.'

because that's all it ever was. every year as i cringed waiting for whatever terrible thing was going to happen (and oh my god, were they terrible. boston 2004 i am looking directly at you.) i was basically manifesting something terrible to happen. by saying out loud that i had a curse, i was reaffirming it. and worse, by truly believing it, i was demanding that it happen. maybe that was the curse, come to think of it.

Love is delicious. it's great that there's a whole day devoted to it, but that's not enough for me.

i'll never be the type of girl to have a magickal valentine's day because every day is magickal.

(though to be fair, some came close. San Fran 2010 i'm looking at you. save for the 7 hrs of sobbing.)

i don't ever want to be with someone who makes a big deal out of valentine's day only to be lame or less romantic the rest of the year. no sir, not for me. so all that time that i thought i had a curse, what was really happening was that i just couldn't see how incredibly loving and special each day was, i couldn't see that i was so so so Loved, and that i was capable and worthy of being loved.

so this one day that was supposed to be about love and relationships just felt awful to me.

funny the things that we believe about ourselves, no? so silly.

look up at that photo again. which one did you see first? what do you believe about yourself?

if you're one of the people who dreads this day.. don't. stop. let yourself off the hook.

think of something you really want to do and go do it. think of someone you love and call them.

buy yourself some freaking flowers, for pete's sake (super sorry if your ex is named pete or something)

and put on your favorite song and dance in your living room and put a crown on your head.

Love yourself first. let's try that again: Love yourself first. it isn't selfish, it's mandatory.

it's the biggest and brightest kind and it builds up so much that it spills up and over your edges and out into the world and makes it so you can Love everyone else even more.

we love ourselves by taking off our makeup at night. by brushing our teeth even when exhausted.

we love ourselves by painting just because we feel like painting, crying when we want to cry.

we love ourselves when we say no to things and people that do not serve us anymore.

we love ourselves when we stay home to replenish and refuel our tired bodies & minds.

we love ourselves when we turn off our phones and emails and all beeping/flashing things.

we love ourselves by listening to our guts, our hearts, over our logical minds.

we love ourselves by saying how we feel out loud, in our bravest voices, even though it's scary.

we love ourselves by going for that run, taking that class, stretching, sweating, being.

we love ourselves by keeping an eye on ourselves and catching our destructive behavior.

we love ourselves by taking a mint on the way out of the diner, a lollipop at the bank.

we love ourselves by laughing from the deepest part of our gut, loudly, who cares if it's distracting.

we love ourselves by thinking carefully about what we put into our bodies.

we love ourselves by getting sleep, drinking water, meditating, breathing in & out & in & out.

we love ourselves by going to the doctor, by doing the blood work, by flossing.

we love ourselves by surrounding ourselves with people, colors, animals, places that light us up.

we love ourselves by picking ourselves first, by painting our nails, by putting work down.

we love ourselves even when it's hard to face ourselves, even when we don't want to.

happy day of Love, friends. i wish you the same sentiment every day. xo

ON Viesso for Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is less than a week away. Awesome, right?

Custom, modern, eco-friendly furniture line, Viesso, has great ideas for those beyond traditional gifts.

Maybe you're into buying your loved one flowers, but want something that will last.

The Lotus Flower Chandelier, shown here in white, is the perfect gift.

Or, perhaps you think your girl or guy just about puts the stars in the sky.

The Constellation Pendant Lamp is a great find to show how star struck you are.

 Next up, the Urbio Big Happy Family, is a sweet find for those just starting out their families.

Maybe you aren't ready for kids, but plants? You can totally commit.

Last up, the Howard Grey Travel Set. Because nothing says romance like a weekend getaway.

Go click around on Viesso and see what you can find as your perfect gift. 

Then report back here and let me know! However you celebrate, and whatever you gift,

here's hoping your Valentine's Day is a day full of Love.